One of those strange comments

First off,  Thanks to everyone who commented on my last post.  I appreciate the encouragement.

On to the post…

I was recently at a funeral where I saw many people I haven’t seen in a while who  knew Nathan.  I will tell about the funeral in a future post…I am not able to write about it yet…very painful..former teacher of Nathan and Julia.

Anyway – it won’t the first time by far I got this comment but I got it several times.   “You look good!”  This is often said with a combination of relief/surprise.   Sometimes even “you look happy”.  I wonder what they think a grieving mom should look like.  Especially 6 years down the road.  Especially at a very upsetting funeral where I am sure I looked sad some as well.

Looks can be deceiving.  On one hand, it is good that I look happy, that I look like I’ve got things together.  On there other hand, is there some secret expectation that I have fallen apart physically as well as emotionally?  For sure that is true but the physical things aren’t visible from the outside.

There’s also the incredulity that someone can smile again after losing a child.  I know most people think they would just die too if their child died.  Certainly if they lived they wouldn’t smile – or look good.  The pain is certainly bad enough to make one wish they were dead at times but, nope, we do go on living and what is life about anyway?

I’m sure there are fellow moms that can relate to this comment…I never know what to say…I guess I say thanks.  Do you all get this too?  Those who haven’t lost a child – might I suggest instead of telling the person they look good/happy just tell them it is good to see them and keep the thought in your head.

2 responses to “One of those strange comments

  1. I can’t imagine that it ever gets easier that’s for sure. Having recently lost my boyfriend to cancer (thanks for your kind words), I can’t imagine the anguish of losing a child. I think that there would be nothing worse. I think of you often and Nathan as well. Did a lot during our recent journey through the horrible world of cancer. You do look great though, and I think maybe saying thank you is sufficient, or you could try “yeah I know”. All the best 🙂

  2. Someone even told me once: “I didn’t know. Well, I guess it’s not as bad for some people as for others.”
    Really! It’s such a relief to read your posts, and recognise so many things that feel almost impossible to explain sometimes.

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