Lauren turned seven on November 16. On December 30 she became older than Nathan was. I was aware this was happening..since he was also born on the 16th it didn’t take much math to figure it out. Mercifully it didn’t occur to me on the the day…I think we were actually driving home from Illinois all day.
Lately I have become acutely aware of the sameness of age. Lauren is probably around the same size as Nathan. He was, of course, thin and had not grown very tall with all the chemo. When I cuddle her I am reminded of him.
I cherish being able to cuddle her at seven and think I will feel some sadness when she turns 8 and I will not have any more seven year olds to cuddle.
I help in her class on Thursdays and when I help the seven year old boys in her class I am reminded of my seven year old boy. It is both sweet and sour…but I do enjoy it.
It just saddens me as time slips away and for whatever reason it just feels to me when Lauren moves on to second grade and turns 8 I will somehow be yet much further down and road and further away from Nathan.