Different Families

Something that has been breaking my heart lately.

Julia’s family:  Mommy and Daddy and Nathan and Lauren

Lauren’s family:  Mommy, Daddy and Julia.

No Nathan.  She is learning to write – she writes about all of us but not him.  Her “My Family” project for school, – no Nathan.  I didn’t ask, didn’t push.  I just asked it there were any other pictures she wanted.  I then asked if she wanted any pictures from when she was younger and she said no.  So that’s it.

I don’t blame her.  She was only 20 months old when he died.  He is just an idea to her.  He is a stranger in pictures.  I just wish she understood how much he loved and adored her and that she does have a big brother.

I just makes me really sad.

7 responses to “Different Families

  1. She may come to him when she's older, don't write it off just yet. You will all keep talking about him, and later on she may start to understand the role he played, although she will still not be able to remember him herself. She is still pretty young to understand the role he played in her life – her thoughts now will still be more about the here-and-now.

  2. I don't think it is wrong or pushing to "help" her remember him, to suggest she include a picture of him. He will hold a place in her heart as she gets old enough to understand. I remember your stories of how he loved her, of the way he reached a hand behind him to stroke her when he was to weak to move anything else. His love for those he held dear can never die.Rita

  3. My daughter is writing a little autobiography of herself for a class report. No discussion of her dead sister has appeared in the rough drafts (or what her teacher calls sloppy copies) so far. Not sure if I should push it.

  4. I was thinking of this again. I wonder if maybe you could make her a special book all about her big brother, with photos of him with her and short stories of how he showed his love, and maybe some pictures showing him having done some of things she does now. I always love your photo groupings where you show the kids the same age doing similar things. Maybe it will make him more "real" to her, to have her own book to reference that she can read anytime she wants, that is only about the relationship he shared with her.Rita

  5. I know how you feel but my girl doesn't always add her brother 'in' when she has 'family projects' either and she was 7 and remembers him well. That is a distant memory to her now and she has spent most of her life without him. And she doesn't always feel like it is a 'safe place' to share something like that. That was the case especially when she went to a brick and mortar school. As you said, he is a thought to her and you can't really change that. She was so young. When she is older, she will learn more about her brother and have a deeper understanding of the bond they shared when they were both so young.

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