Sorry about the slow blogging…I have had some posts in my head so I am going to post them, some on delay.
First off – it is June. I like June, but June contains Nathan’s birthday – so that is hard. Facebook doesn’t help with the bombardment of 5th grade graduations and other friends with kids the same age having their birthdays.
The other day I finally tackled the rest of my medicine cabinet. I had done the bare minimum of pulling the dangerous medicines out of there a few years ago and brought as many as I grabbed to the hazardous waste disposal center.
I wasn’t expecting how hard it was to throw away the rest of the stuff. There was all the line care stuff, andmany bottles of SSKI (drops to protect his thyroid before nuclear meds scans). There were also, to my surprise, many types of narcotics still hanging around, even a fentanyl patch which really shouldn’t be just sitting around.
I was really sad throwing away all the supplies and I had to bag up all the narcotics until I take my next trip to the hazardous waste place.
What it comes down to is that I hate erasing pieces of proof that Nathan lived in our house, even when they are not happy things. There was some bit of comfort in rustling around the medicine and finding a replacement cap to the end of his lines. Over half of his life was spent with these items and they became a part of our life. I wouldn’t want him to need them, but they remind me of him and his everyday presence.
Still – I did dispose of them – just through tears. And I was depressed the rest of the day – I didn’t really realize it until Luke came up from work and I went to try to make dinner and found that emotionally I just couldn’t do it and I cried and he ran out and got us some food.