Healthy Heart

Three years ago, a few months after Nathan died Lauren had her two year old checkup.  Her doctor referred her to the pediatric cardiologist because she had a very loud murmur.  An echocardiogram revealed  that it was a “functional murmur”.  Today she went back for a recheck and her murmur is much quieter and everything looks good.  That was a relief.

Bringing her in, however, had its own triggers.  I remembered the day Nathan fainted after chemo and I had to bring him in there for a stat echo.  I remembered bringing in Julia for an echo that finally helped prove she did have Kawasaki Disease.  I remembered a conversation I had with a just-turned-two year old Lauren the last time we were there in the parking lot.  She saw the hospital and immediately associated it with Nathan.
Also, I had to fill this out:

5 responses to “Healthy Heart

  1. Good news about Lauren but that form sucks. But in a way I'm not sorry for you that it still hurts, of course I'm sorry you lost Nathan but at least you're not losing his memory. I find myself not remembering and not being triggered anymore by the things associated with what I've lost. I don't even remember how I used to feel. I have the knowledge that something ended and it hurt me, but I've lost what it was. As much as your trauma sucks, I don't wish you to "get over it" or "get better." Personally I liked grief way better than "acceptance."

  2. yay about Lauren's heart. : ( about the rest. But I agree with Mongoose.

  3. Yay about Lauren's Heart! I'm so sorry about the form and the memories. I don't check in as ofter as I used to but I still remember y'all in prayer often.

  4. I wish for you triggers that bring happy holiday memories during the rest of this season, even though I know the happy memories bring pain. Nathan brought so much joy to so many–I hope that many can remember him with that joy this season and always. His Grandma Kathy is missing him.

  5. I'm glad her heart is good. I remember when you mentioned that before. I hate those forms.

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