Monthly Archives: December 2009


I love this song – it captures the bittersweetness of this season – without my beautiful boy.

Protected: November 2009 Pictures

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Little Man

Nathan was a serious kid – not that he was not silly but that he really didn’t appreciate it when others did silly things to interact with him just because he was a kid.  He never appreciated one of the oncologists, who, used to an average 2 year old, would say “Is there a tiger in your tummy?” when listening to Nathan’s chest with the stethoscope.  Even at that age Nathan would give him a LOOK and say “no”.

He also did not want to be forced to do silly things.  There is proof of this on our tree in the form of an ornament he made in preschool.  He was NOT pleased to be forced to put on reindeer ears and smile for the camera.  Check out his expression.  I LOVE this ornament because it is a little piece of his personality captured forever.



It is so often the little things, the things that are normal stuff for everyone else that get to me.

Once again this year it is the preschool family tree.  I tried not sending it in today and they told Lauren to make sure to bring it on Wed.  Last year they had one in the welcome packet that I just ignored.  Yes, I know, I am not being a good mom.  Well, that’s reality sometimes.

I will, however, suck it up and fill this one out for Wednesday since they said something to her.  I heard through the grapevine they should attach a family photo but I have not heard that officially and so that may not happen.  See, I just have to list brother and sisters – that is easy enough to do.  If I attach a picture I either attach one with all three kids when Lauren is only a year old or I attach one of her at four years old missing a sibling.  I considered attaching a recent family photo and also one of her and Nathan together.  Either way – I just HATE doing this seemingly simple happy little preschool project.  It is one of those that happens year after year in school though.  I think about other kids whose families are not the ideal either.  Does it cause them pain or embarrasment?  Do kids with divorced parents send in two family photos?

I’m not saying they shouldn’t do it but I bet it hasn’t occurred to a lot of these teachers the potential minefields.  Lauren’s includes “Interesting Story” as a category.  I have many sarcastic thoughts on that one that I will keep to myself and I will be curious what her interesting story is.  Nathan is probably very much like a mystical being to her, so I think to her all that I am having angst about means nothing.

That makes me relieved and sad at the same time.


So – we did it I gave her options of pictures and she came up with her own idea of our recent family picture from Thanksgiving and also a picture of her, Julia and Nathan.  I brought in the paper and gave it to one of the teachers.  I asked her if the kids would be discussing their papers.  She said yes so I felt like I should warn her so I said that we had two pictures and that Lauren’s brother died and so not to be surprised when she mentions that.  She mumbled something about overhearing Lauren saying something like that before but it was clear to me that she didn’t think it was actually true.  She kind of gave me a lost look and I mumbled something about how much I hate doing these projects and gave a nervous laugh and high-tailed it out of there.  sigh.