Worst Fear

So – Luke and I went to an awesome concert last Wednesday. We were 3rd row center for Lyle Lovett and John Hiatt. It was just the two men on stage with their guitars. There was no set-list and it was really casual. It was like sitting on my sofa watching them play. The seats were incredible.

Anyway – during the friendly banter Lyle Lovett asked John Hiatt something about what has he been scared most about recently. John Hiatt couldn’t think of anything really and mentioned that he is always scared for his kids. He said the youngest is 21 and they are scattered about but he still worries about something happening to them.

I guess it is probably true that for those who have children, a great number of them have the same “worst fear”. That something will happen to harm or kill their child. It struck me that I was sitting there enjoying this concert and that this man’s worst fear had happened to me. What is my worst fear? Something happening to another one of my children.

Last week also contained a very terrible event(s). The viewing and funeral of a 17 year old boy who died from cancer. I knew his mom from a childhood cancer support group. I went with my friend and fellow mom-of-child-who-died-from-cancer. The visitation was really hard for me. I have never been to a visitation and so the viewing of the body is something I could really have done without. I don’t need to ever see another dead child as long as I live. My own was plenty. Then, his little sister wailed, cried and called out his name and was lovingly escorted from the church and returned again to wail and cry some more. It brought back horrible memories and was just incredibly painful to hear on top of that.

The funeral was also very sad, but at least I got to know a bit about this boy from those who loved him. His mother wailed and cried as she processed in. It is so different from the Presbyterian funerals I have attended. I think this church/culture/community did it right. Crying and wailing from those who loved this boy is the right thing to do, yet it is not acceptable in other churches/cultures/communities. We were all so stoic at Nathan’s funeral (except for Julia, who didn’t “know” and reacted the way she felt inside).

Anyway – a long post. I wish I could have made it into about 3 separate posts but I could tell it was now or never for me to blog this and so I just put it all together. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

3 responses to “Worst Fear

  1. *sigh*It must have been very hard… No one ever needs to see a dead child, but unfortunately, for many of us… we haven't a choice…our child died…((hugs)) It was good of you to be there for that family. I know it brought up some terrible moments and memories for you, but, I know they appreciated your being there very much. They might not tell you so, or maybe they don't really realize it yet, but it mattered to them.

  2. I had a feeling the viewing was harder then you let on. I hope I was able to get your mind off of it, even if for just a little bit. Huge huge HUGS Susan!

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