Monthly Archives: October 2009

Missing my boy today


So – I just bought two tickets to Washington DC. I lived in the area for several years after college and that is where Luke and I met. I have been back once since, when I was pregnant with Nathan.

We are going back for my Uncle’s funeral. It makes me realize that we really need to go back for reasons of just visiting the town and the poeple there we love. We fell in love and got married there. I hope we are able to at least drive by our old apartment and wedding chapel! We will only be there for one full day and we don’t even know where our children will be while we are gone yet but it is really important for us to go and so we just booked the trip and will figure it all out. It is not until December so we have time. My Uncle will be buried with full honors (not the right terms, I know) at Arlington National Cemetery, thus the delay.

Here is a picture of a young and permed me at the Lincoln Memorial in 1994 (before I met Luke)

Worst Fear

So – Luke and I went to an awesome concert last Wednesday. We were 3rd row center for Lyle Lovett and John Hiatt. It was just the two men on stage with their guitars. There was no set-list and it was really casual. It was like sitting on my sofa watching them play. The seats were incredible.

Anyway – during the friendly banter Lyle Lovett asked John Hiatt something about what has he been scared most about recently. John Hiatt couldn’t think of anything really and mentioned that he is always scared for his kids. He said the youngest is 21 and they are scattered about but he still worries about something happening to them.

I guess it is probably true that for those who have children, a great number of them have the same “worst fear”. That something will happen to harm or kill their child. It struck me that I was sitting there enjoying this concert and that this man’s worst fear had happened to me. What is my worst fear? Something happening to another one of my children.

Last week also contained a very terrible event(s). The viewing and funeral of a 17 year old boy who died from cancer. I knew his mom from a childhood cancer support group. I went with my friend and fellow mom-of-child-who-died-from-cancer. The visitation was really hard for me. I have never been to a visitation and so the viewing of the body is something I could really have done without. I don’t need to ever see another dead child as long as I live. My own was plenty. Then, his little sister wailed, cried and called out his name and was lovingly escorted from the church and returned again to wail and cry some more. It brought back horrible memories and was just incredibly painful to hear on top of that.

The funeral was also very sad, but at least I got to know a bit about this boy from those who loved him. His mother wailed and cried as she processed in. It is so different from the Presbyterian funerals I have attended. I think this church/culture/community did it right. Crying and wailing from those who loved this boy is the right thing to do, yet it is not acceptable in other churches/cultures/communities. We were all so stoic at Nathan’s funeral (except for Julia, who didn’t “know” and reacted the way she felt inside).

Anyway – a long post. I wish I could have made it into about 3 separate posts but I could tell it was now or never for me to blog this and so I just put it all together. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

Protected: September 2009 Pictures

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Uncle Bill

My blog silence has been due to my inability to write about my uncle Bill, who died on September 27. I wrote just a little bit about him here. The problem is, I feel like I can’t even begin to describe him and to properly convey what a wonderful and unique man he was. Luke and I agree that there is no way to adequately describe Bill and what made Bill such a wonderful person to know. Bill’s zest for life is unlike any other I have ever witnessed. He will be greatly missed.