Monthly Archives: August 2009


Yet another beautiful child has passed away from Neuroblastoma.

We got to know Owen and his mom Karin when we were in New York for 3 months in the fall of 2006. Owen was a silly sweet boy and I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with him. His mom, Karin, was a lifesaver for me. She was easy to talk with, she was practical and yet full of hope all at the same time.

I ache so much for Karin and her husband Randy and his sister Shannon.

Dream last night

As you know, I like to record my dreams of Nathan in this blog so I can remember them later.

Last night’s dream was great – I was dreaming it right before I woke up. Nathan had come back from the dead. He was feeling great and at our house. He was playing with his sisters and also playing some computer games. I was rummaging around trying to find some of his clothes for him. We knew it was a miracle that he was with us but unlike most dreams where we know he is leaving again, in this dream, we decided it was a miracle he was back so why couldn’t there be a miracle that kept him with us. So we were very upbeat and just enjoying having him with us. At one point we were walking along a path, the five of us, and it felt so good to have the whole family together.

I miss that little boy!


I took Lauren on a walk on the path behind our cul de sac the other day. We have had so much rain this year that the wild sunflowers blanket the hillside.

On the way down she decided to jump over the cracks in the sidewalk. Just thought I’d share the pictures.

Second Grade

We took Julia to meet her second grade teacher and see her classroom last night. Something Nathan never got to do. I was fine until I was in the car alone driving to choir rehearsal afterwards. It just sucks.

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Telling it how it is

So today I took the girls for a haircut.

One of the stylists says to me “so do you have any more children?”

See, these are the kinds of questions you get asked everyday. As I have said before, everyday life is full of painful reminders. It comes up ALL the TIME when you have other children and people are making small talk. I am getting used to these things by now and have come to find what is right for me.

So my answer, “yes, I have a son but he passed away”

I am never, not going to mention Nathan when I am asked such a direct question. I just can’t do it. I am sorry if some people are uncomfortable with it, but life itself, can be quite uncomfortable.

Most of the time, people are fine. I have to hear the “awws” and then they usually ask a few questions.

p.s. sorry for the lack of posts, we have been on vacation for two weeks so I will probably post a bunch in the next few days. Scroll down for a post from earlier today.


I have finally bitten the bullet and ordered a statue in memory of Nathan. His school has a garden area and we are going to put it in there. In addition we are giving some funds for a tree and some landscaping to be done around it. I have been working on this for many months but have taken it slowly. I could have ordered the bench back in April but it has taken this long to just feel ready to do it.

This is the bench. There will also be a plaque on it. It is a stock statue – not custom. I just loved the boy and the girl. It reminds me of Nathan and Julia. Nathan loved school and liked to read and I really hope the kids like looking at it and touching it. The statue can have the kids off to one side which I originally wanted so a child could sit with them if they wanted. The people at the statue company really warned against doing so because it is not meant for sitting really and it could add to the wear and tear so I ordered it in the center. I have until Monday afternoon to change my mind. Let me know your thoughts on this because I am torn.

We aren’t planning a ceremony or anything. That just isn’t our thing. It will arrive an about a month.

If you are local, the garden is kept locked when not in use by students. I am going to beg for a key and then if you want to see it down the line I’d love to show you. I will post pictures when it happens of course.