How Many?

I was asked at choir on Sunday “So, how many kids do you have now?”  I like this man but I wasn’t going to play his game so I said three and he asked me the ages and so I told Julia and Lauren and then brought up Nathan, which he already knew, and he made some comment about having the two kids now.  Like I said, I knew that is where he was going with it the whole time but I just don’t subscribe to that policy.  I have three children.  Only two of them are here with me, but I will always have three kids.  End of discussion!

I have to say I hold no ill-will towards him.  I cannot expect him to understand, but I also will not fit neatly into someone else’s view of things.

13 responses to “How Many?

  1. This goes into the book of “What not to say!” It’s every bit as important as “What not to wear.” I’m so very sorry that you have to deal with this sort of ignorant unkindness, and I am deeply admiring of your grace and patience with it.I agree with you 100%; of course you are the mother of 3 – you will ALWAYS be Nathan’s mother!

  2. I am sorry you have to deal with that as well. I’m not in your shoes either and while I can never fully understand, even I know you have three children. Hugs!!

  3. I think this guy has half a brain and not much of a heart. You handled it with class and grace, much better than I would have! Warmest wishes!Shirley

  4. Susan — you have amazing character! Some people’s ignorance is truly incomprehensible.– Katie

  5. Like I said, I knew that is where he was going with it the whole time but I just don’t subscribe to that policy. I’m a little confused. Was he trying to make some point with you that you only had two children rather than three? That seems so truly bizarre. What possible reason would he have for that?

  6. Jim – he was not sure how many “other” kids I had and that is what he was trying to ask. I knew when I said three then he would not know if I meant three besides Nathan or including, but I just wasn’t going to say two.

  7. Okay, I mean, that makes more sense then someone going out of his way to make sure that you count your children the same way he does. But it is still so mind-blowingly insensitive that it is hard to grasp. I mean, there are a million ways to get the information he wants in a less offensive way–and even allowing for the single mistake of “how many kids do you have _now_,” the need to repeat something about you having only two kids again? Unbelievable.

  8. “Insensitive” very … I am so sorry that someone would say something like that to you… My best friend lost her only 2 daughters’ last year in a car crash.. She sometimes will say’ ” I am no longer a Mom” And like I always tell her’ ” You will always be a Mom” She still has 2 children they just live in Heaven … I pray that insensitive man never has to answer a question like he asked you? Prayers for him…Blessings,Jennifer

  9. Of course you have 3 children. Just because one is in Heaven it doesn’t mean he isn’t your son anymore. You will always be a mother of 3 children and that guy is an idiot. You have much more grace than I do.Rita

  10. Your strength to deal with people and questions like that, Susan, is truly amazing. (((((HUG)))))

  11. You handled it with such grace. I would hope that he wasn’t being insensitive, but doesn’t realize how the question makes you feel. Of course you are and will always be a mom to three.(((HUGS)))

  12. You may hold no ill-will but I’ll say it…. What an ass.xoxoOh, and if you haven’t gotten the guiltmail that’s been going around. A few of the old group gals are trying to resurect “the tent”. Stop by when you have a chance.

  13. I have a friend that sings in your choir and I pray it wasn’t him (he’s really nice and I can’t see him saying something like that and I know it’s a big choir).You have grace galore and you will always be Nathan’s mom.

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