Julia is six years old today! I am not quite sure how that happened.
Julia, Julia, she is my exact opposite! I am befuddled by her at times and frankly annoyed and amazed at her. She confounds me.
Luke mentioned that Julia has been having a hard time lately. She lost it this morning trying to find clothes to wear.
Her turning six is also weird to me in that Nathan’s last year of life was spent as a six year old. He turned seven only a month before he died. I can’t look at her and not see the little sister but she is quickly catching up.
I also just don’t know what happened to the years between one and six. In many ways they are lost to me.
She was 14 months old when Nathan was diagnosed. At that moment she ceased to be my baby that I was wrapped up in and so in love with as my focus turned towards Nathan’s battle. I was forced to leave her for weeks at a time when, to that point, we had never even had a baby sitter. She was taken from me and I from her. She has been second priority ever since. Luckily for her people have come into her life that love her in ways I cannot.
I am sure she feels that gap that I feel. I am the adult – it is my responsibility to heal the wounds – to give her the love she needs and deserves. I don’t know how – and she is six – time is moving on.
I am trying – not hard enough – but trying.