Tomorrow

So – I may be going to a funeral tomorrow. In my church – eight (no – nine) weeks later.

One of my fellow choir members lost her husband to cancer. She hasn’t been able to sing for a while but when she did, I always looked forward to sitting next to her. When I was pregnant she talked to me of singing in the choir when she was pregnant, too. That baby is in his forties now.

I had been considering going to the funeral but not sure if I could do it. Then she asked the choir to sing “How Lovely is Thy Dwelling Place”. I think I can do that. I really want to do that for her. I will be sitting in the choir loft, which is my usual place to be, not like at Nathan’s funeral at which we sat in the front row. I will NEVER sit in the front row again if I don’t have to.

Babysitting plans have been made, but Julia has come down with pink-eye. She can be at home with Luke without causing him interruption, so now Lauren is still set to go.

I feel like the decision will be made for me tomorrow. There is a good chance sickness will keep me home. Either Lauren or I might have pink-eye by the middle of the day as far as I know.

I checked with the choir director tonight at rehearsal to make sure that “How Great Thou Art” was not going to be sung as a solo as it was at Nathan’s funeral. I am certain I would NOT make it through that. Even so, I am a little worried that I will be hit with flashbacks and emotion.

So – I will wait to see what sickies are in store tomorrow…

Oh – and there is another issue; what to wear? When I bought the dress I wore to Nathan’s funeral I was determined I would wear it again for other things. Well, here I am again, needing a dress appropriate for a funeral and it is going to be quite warm tomorrow so it would make sense to wear that dress again. I haven’t worn it since Nathan’s service – so if I wear it tomorrow it just might become my “funeral dress” and that will be it.

Don’t know.

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3 responses to “Tomorrow

  1. Oh Susan! ((HUGS)) I can only imgaine how going to a funeral will bring up more memories and sadness. I think she would totally be ok if you weren’t able to go. I hope that you will find peace if you do decide to go though. Always thinking of you hon! Love Melissa

  2. I hope it went well. I hope you got to sing.

  3. Did you go? If so how did it go? If not how are you doing?I was thinking as I read this (a few days late of course) that it was too soon and then I thought God promises not to give us more and maybe he was wanting to replace some of the memories with new ones – different ones. Thinking of you and the whole family!

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