Random stuff

1. So Wednesday night went ok. We didn’t end up picking a class due to mundane details about the kids choir schedule. Luke and I just chatted.

2. The car handle broke off my old car a few weeks ago. We haven’t used it much since and actually have the part on hand now and will attempt to fix it. However, I drove it to choir rehearsal tonight. When I got back to my car, I put the key in, unlocked the car and proceeded to almost fall over from trying to grab the non-existent handle. Old habits die hard, I guess.

3. Every day while I wait at the bus stop for Julia, the same truck drives by on his way home. We have taken to waving. I have decided that it really bothers me that this same thing happens at the same time every day. Some people like that kind of stuff and take comfort in it. Not me. Luke likened it to the movie “Groundhog Day”. I wouldn’t say I am terribly adventurous, but apparently I really don’t like routine either.

4. I wish I had a time machine. I would take it back to when I was about 17 years old. It would be a summer night and I would drive out in the country with friends and roll the windows down and play great music and feel the wind in my hair. I would love that sense of freedom and also my whole life in front of me. Can someone bottle that up and make a drug?

5. Speaking of drugs, I am now taking 3 prescriptions daily at a cost of $60 a month. The pharmacy tech knows my name (and she wasn’t even there when I was there almost daily for Nathan). I am almost 35. Why do I feel 80?

6. Related to the drugs….I used to love to go to bed. I fell asleep easily and slept fairly well all night – except for the night terrors. At times they would keep me running around my room doing “things” for up to two hours after going to bed. Sometimes they were bad, sometimes I hardly had them. I still had a good nights’ sleep most of the time.

Since Nathan died a few things have happened. First of all – I don’t really want to go to bed and when I do – I could stay up all night! It used to be that if I watched TV for 15 minutes in bed I was fast asleep (5 minutes if it was Saturday Night Live for some reason). Now, I have been watching all kinds of stuff on, good and bad and I am not falling to sleep. I am not trying either but it is weird for me. I guess part of it is not wanting to wake up and start another day. Secondly, my night terrors escalated after Nathan died. Instead of having them occasionally, for an hour or two, I was having them every night and ALL NIGHT LONG. Hour after hour I would jump out of bed as the imaginary thing tried to do whatever it was to me. I would head downstairs, realize I needed to go back to bed and repeat. So – I am now on a sleeping pill. It works REALLY well. It cost a little more than a dollar a night and Luke tells me it is worth it.

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5 responses to “Random stuff

  1. Thanks for the update. And for what it is worth, I think it is possible to go in and out of feeling super old. I think it is a part of getting to be middle aged.

  2. Oh Susan, I wish I could bottle that up and give it to you. Wouldn’t that be an awesome gift! I am glad you are finding some relief from the night terrors, I can’t even imagine how your mind must be racing with thoughts at bedtime. 😦 I hope the rest will help you to regain some of your youthful self again! ((((HUGS))))

  3. Susan,I was just looking at my daughter’s web stats and saw that I was having visitors from a link on your page, so I visited. I have been to Nathan’s caringbridge page many times, but did not realize were keeping another commentary going on blogger. I hope to have time to go back through you back entries over the next week or so. You have a gentle spirit and a tender way with words that I really appreciate. Thank you so much for the kindness of linking Erin’s page to your site.Vickiehttp://erinbuenger.blogspot.com

  4. Susan. I am glad that you are posting what’s going on with you. Sorry you are having problems sleeping. When my mom had cancer she couldn’t sleep, but the sleeping pills worked wonders for her too. Glad you are getting some relief.

  5. Hi Susan,I am a follow-over from Nathan’s caringbridge (which I still check on.) I may have commented here once or on Luke’s page before…Your post reminded me of something very random that happened the other night. Although I have never met Nathan, I had a dream about him, a rather detailed dream. I hope that me sharing this doesn’t seem odd or upset you, but I wanted to let you know because it was just a very positive experience. Hard to explain, but I woke up in a good mood. In the dream, Nathan was bubbly, goofy, and friendly and I almost felt like it was my second chance to actually meet since I hadn’t before. Thanks for letting me share.Megan

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