Monthly Archives: August 2007

One Month

It has been one month. How is it that time just goes on? It has been almost three months since Nathan began really declining and stopped walking. So – in some ways it seems longer than one month. One thing that stays very clear to me is the memory sweeping his hair to the side with my hand and kissing his forehead. I can always do that in my mind and it feels very real to me.

Making ourselves do things….

We spent the past weekend with my brother’s family up in the mountains. We were really waffling about going. It was one of those things that sounded fun, but in our depressed state also sounded like a lot of effort.

But – we bucked up and went. We had a really good time. Nathan loved it there – so that was hard. What else is new, though? Everything without him will be hard at first. It has already been four weeks.

Funny thing how life just goes on, no matter what.

Nathan tribute

Someone who I do not know, made this video about Nathan. She (or he but I am guessing she) has made other videos of other neuroblastoma kids.

It is kind of hard for me to watch. I have “hidden” those pictures on my hard drive so I don’t run across them.

I will put it here, but not on caringbridge – because she put this blog’s address on it and though I know some of my caringbridge readers have found this site through a search engine – I don’t really want the two linked since this is more personal and I might feel less free to post things on here if I know that the person sitting next to me at church that I don’t know very well is reading it.
*** edited to clarify – I am not upset if you found this blog by searching for caringbridge – nothing sneaky about that or anything – just trying to explain why I don’t necessarily want my my pastor reading this!

Anyway – if the video creator is reading this – thank you.

China

I have always liked this song by Tori Amos. It played on my iPod today and it felt different. I feel like it was directed at me.

I am not exactly sure how I am dismantle the great wall without it causing me to completely fall apart.

China all the way to new york
I can feel the distance getting close
Youre right next to me
But I need an airplane
I can feel the distance as you breathe

Sometimes I think you want me to touch you
How can I when you build a great wall around you
In your eyes I saw a future together
You just look away in the distance

China decorates our table
Funny how the cracks dont seem to show
Pour the wine dear
You say well take a holiday
But we never can agree on where to go

Sometimes I think you want to me to touch you
How can I when you build a great wall around you
In your eyes I saw a future together
You just look away in the distance

China all the way to new york
Maybe you got lost in mexico
Youre right next to me
I think that you can hear me
Funny how the distance learns to grow

Sometimes I think you want me to touch you
How can I when you build a great wall around you

I can feel the distance getting close

Nathan’s memorial service

Spencer

This is a boy who has been fighting neuroblastoma for over five years. Sometime last year, this beautiful piece was created about him. It is truly amazing to hear his perspective as a child fighting this awful disease. He is several years older than Nathan was, but it really gives me comfort to hear what he has to say. Click on the image to view

First day of Kindergarten


Here they are, ~A~