So – people say that women “nest” before they have their baby – cleaning and getting things in order.
I spent a whole day doing just that the other day. Anyone who knows me well knows that cleaning is something at the bottom of my list and that I am not very good at, either.
Am I un-nesting?
Nathan slept most of the day that day. Keeping busy is a good thing. When I am not busy, or especially when awake in bed I have to think about things like funerals.
I also have all kinds of absurd thoughts about the timing of things to come and conveniences of the various timings.
I also think about the future and all the things I will be able to do again and the things I can offer Julia and Lauren without doctors appointments, etc.
There is basically nothing I can think that is good these days.
I have the urge to go to choir rehearsal and sing. I know it would be good for my soul. If it weren’t for… “people who care about you?” (Luke completed that for me when I was pondering aloud about it). He’s right – they all want to support me, but I just don’t know if I can handle it. Plus – part of me will wonder if I am being judged for being there, instead of at home with Nathan.
I hope you don’t mind the ramblings….I have been updating Nathan’s site daily and that leaves me without the energy for this blog.