I am your worst nightmare

Ok – so hopefully not – but recently I came across a blogger who (I think) read Nathan’s story. It clearly left them shaken and I could tell it was one of those things they wished they had never read so they wouldn’t have to think of the possibilities of losing their own children.

I guess after all these years I have become a bit numb to it all. I am also blessed by wonderful friends who take my lead and treat me like any other friend but will also allow me to talk about the realities of losing Nathan. If I scare them, or they feel horribly sorry for me, they do not let that show to me and I appreciate it.

So – I guess I forget how shocking it all can be. I think there are people out there who have never really contemplated losing a child and the thought is horrifying. I remember reading on a parenting board a few weeks before Nathan was diagnosed, about a young child diagnosed with brain cancer. I remember being upset and crying and wondering how someone could bear it. Then it happened to me.

The thing of it is, no matter how bad things get, I personally know people who have it worse than me. Imagine my situation, but also imagine a parent who has left the picture. Imagine losing more than one child or losing a husband and a child.

I guess I will go back to my world with my normal. I just forget sometimes how abnormal my life is!

6 responses to “I am your worst nightmare

  1. For the record, I cry all of the time when I read what you and Luke write. And I am pleased that you have the capacity to so fully share yourself. I think most impressive is your ability to do this with joy and saddness and fear and hope. It’s pretty amazing.Love,JimII

  2. You are both amazingly compassionate, honest, real people who are simply wonderful in the face of such sadness and uncertainty in your life. I am very impressed wtih you and your parenting. You teach me so much about how to be a good parent. Thank you for sharing of yourselves so genuinely.I think of you guys so often throughout my day..and pray for continued joy in the everyday moments. love – Katie

  3. Thanks, Susan, for all. When I look at my 3 children, I often find myself thinking about you and yours. I really apreciate your words and feelings expressed so clear and deep, that sometimes I need to cry, wherever Iam, just trying to imagine how you and Luke feel. Thanks, again, for such a sincere blog. Susana, Spain.

  4. I cry all the time too. Actually (and don’t tell Max I told you!) Max and I cry together sometimes after reading updates and journal entries. I really can’t fathom how you live your life facing the fears that you do, day in and day out, for years now! I feel honored to be a small part of your life. You and Luke simply astonish me. Love you guys, Myndi

  5. You can’t scare us. We are honored you allow us into your world–and I hope you never kick me out of it. We love each member of your family, and hope to be with you (in spirit, since we can’t bodily) through ALL of life’s ups and downs. Even (especially) the really big downs. Nathan really is a special boy. You know I’m not hugely into boys, never having experienced them–but Nathan is my kind of boy. Just knowing he exists makes me smile. I love you, sister of my heart.Lisa (speaking for Doug too)

  6. How can you be a nightmare when you make me a better parent?You make life real and most of us see that.Don’t ever stop writing about the going ons, no matter how mundane normal, abnormal or frighting they may seem.(((HUGS))) loves and prayers as always.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s