Monthly Archives: April 2007

Baby cuteness

I think it is time for a baby picture. Sometimes – I just need to bask in her cuteness.

Keep me in your heart

Luke recently blogged about Warren Zevon’s album, “The Wind”. He wrote it when he was dying of cancer. I am not a huge Warren Zevon fan but I really like this album. It’s got some really good music and most of the music was written from his perspective of someone who is dying, which is a unique perspective. It is horrible that he died but I can’t help but think that, in spite of that, how lucky he was to be able to create this music about it and to say goodbye and leave his mark on the world the way he wanted to. (I don’t think that came out the way I wanted to but I can’t think of another way to say it. He is certainly not lucky that he got caner and died)

As I drove home tonight, I had my iPod on my”everything but” playlist which is all my music except classical and religious and one of his songs came on.

What would you say, in song, to your spouse if you were dying? I think he nailed it.

Shadows are falling and I’m running out of breath
Keep me in your heart for awhile

If I leave you it doesn’t mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for awhile

When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for while

There’s a train leaving nightly called when all is said and done
Keep me in your heart for while

Keep me in your heart for while

Keep me in your heart for while

Sometimes when you’re doing simple things around the house
Maybe you’ll think of me and smile

You know I’m tied to you like the buttons on your blouse
Keep me in your heart for while

Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you

Engine driver’s headed north to Pleasant Stream
Keep me in your heart for while

These wheels keep turning but they’re running out of steam
Keep me in your heart for while

Keep me in your heart for while

Keep me in your heart for while

Keep me in your heart for while

Why we need a cure

These Pulitzer Prize winning photos are of a boy dying from neuroblastoma. They show the truth. Sure – people know that kids die from cancer but what they don’t know is how barbaric the death can be. Who would want to know that? I know some horrible details about the death of some children. Dying from neuroblastoma is often a extremely painful process with tumors growing and pressing on internal organs, tumors growing visibly on a child’s head and orbits. It is truly horrifying.

I hope these pictures make it to the computer screens in front of the lawmakers who will vote on the Conquer Childhood Cancer Act of 2007. How could they vote no after seeing this?

You don’t have to watch…

It’s a first grade music program – something only parents and grandparents could love.

It was a bittersweet thing for me. His first and maybe (probably?) last school music program. The music teacher gave him the best part. Her son had cancer years ago – she knows.

There were 94 first graders participating!
(if the video is blank – it is still being processed – check back later)

I am your worst nightmare

Ok – so hopefully not – but recently I came across a blogger who (I think) read Nathan’s story. It clearly left them shaken and I could tell it was one of those things they wished they had never read so they wouldn’t have to think of the possibilities of losing their own children.

I guess after all these years I have become a bit numb to it all. I am also blessed by wonderful friends who take my lead and treat me like any other friend but will also allow me to talk about the realities of losing Nathan. If I scare them, or they feel horribly sorry for me, they do not let that show to me and I appreciate it.

So – I guess I forget how shocking it all can be. I think there are people out there who have never really contemplated losing a child and the thought is horrifying. I remember reading on a parenting board a few weeks before Nathan was diagnosed, about a young child diagnosed with brain cancer. I remember being upset and crying and wondering how someone could bear it. Then it happened to me.

The thing of it is, no matter how bad things get, I personally know people who have it worse than me. Imagine my situation, but also imagine a parent who has left the picture. Imagine losing more than one child or losing a husband and a child.

I guess I will go back to my world with my normal. I just forget sometimes how abnormal my life is!


Nathan is very into Playmobil toys. They are pretty expensive but very cool. I am feeling good about the expense after the following conversation that took place after Nathan got home from school:

Nathan “Mommy, can I use the computer?”
Me “Sure”
A minute later….
Nathan “Nevermind – I found something much more fun to do!!”
Me “What?” Wracking my brain for what fun thing dropped from the skies into my family room
Nathan “Playmobile!”

All three kids* are now playing with the Santa House happily.

* yes – including the 16 month old and yes she is way too young but what can I say – she is a third child.


Easter Sweeties