Not Good, Bad, or the Worst

I have had a lot of experience with Nathan getting tested for this or that and running over the different scenarios in my head. This (testing Nathan’s bone marrow to see why his counts are so poor) seems to be the first time when NOT ONE of the possibilities is acceptable to me. Sure – we have gotten plenty of news that was the worse-case situation, but we always had hope for the better outcomes.

So – for tomorrow’s bone marrow aspiration, options are all crappy. I went over this a bit on Nathan’s web page but I tend not to speculate there too much due to the very broad audience. I know that some who read that page have found their way here – and that is fine, but I do tend to let more out here.

Not Good – Nathan’s bone marrow has been brought down by the chemo he is currently on. This is one of the only chemos out there that supposedly does not cause bone marrow suppression. If he can’t continue on this – or needs to have more weeks off of it we essentially have to stop treatment on him.

Bad – Nathan’s marrow is chock full of tumor. The tumor is crowding out the good bone marrow and that is why it is struggling. If this is the case – we will probably continue on with the chemo and support him with transfusions and neupogen.

The Worst – Nathan’s bone marrow has failed. All the treatments he has had have killed it and it will not be coming back up. This one scares me to death. We have to stop all treatment and Nathan’s white counts will continue to drop and he would inevitably get an infection and die from it.

All these outcome may point to stopping treatment on Nathan. That might be the right thing but is not something we are ready to do. The most important thing has been Nathan’s ability to live a normal life and be a kid. So – we have to make a choice that supports that goal. If his white count drops too low he cannot go to school or to public places and that is not a good life for him.

So – all options suck. Who knows – perhaps there is another outcome I am not foreseeing. We’ll just have to wait and see.

10 responses to “Not Good, Bad, or the Worst

  1. Oh Susan!!!! I am so sorry! I will definitely be keeping Nathan in my thoughts and praying for “not good” or something unforseen! Tons of hugs!

  2. Susan,I read your entries, I spend a lot of time thinking about them, and I have the hardest time knowing how to comment – but at the same time, I feel badly when I don’t comment. I still don’t know what to say. This is all so horribly unfair. I just wanted you to know that I’m listening and sending you all my love.Beth

  3. What Beth said.Love,JimII

  4. Thinking about you always. Lots of love…. 🙂

  5. All the BEST FOR YOU

  6. I, too, echo what Beth wrote. You are in my thoughts and prayers a great deal. I pray for peace and strength and good times for all of you.God Bless you!love — Katie

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  8. Thinking about you honey. Hang in there.xoxo

  9. Ditto to what Bethany said too! You guys are always in our thoughts and prayers. I’ll be praying hard that you get “bad news” or something else and for some more good times.(((HUGS)))~Myndi

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