Controlled Panic

That is my most current state. It is a state in which I can have a pretty good weekend (about which I shall soon blog) .

Since my last post I had another crappy day in which we assumed Nathan would have a neccessary test on Friday or Monday and then were told it couldn’t be done until August 16 and his local doctor suggested a round of chemo while we waited. Luke and I both decided that wouldn’t do and were trying to figure out if there was another Children’s hosptial within driving distance we could go to and get the test done. I called his doctor to tell him we were not going to settle for an impromptu round of chemo and he told me that they found a different hospital in Denver that would do the test (GFR – nuclear med version ) but not until Wednesday. So – that was good(ish) news except he really should have had chemo 6 days ago (well really about 20 days ago) and best case scenario has him starting 5 days from now.

So – I have this constant vision in my head of all the cancer in his body rapidly dividing/multiplying. His last round of chemo was June 18. Surely the cancer is starting to grow and it is making me sick thinking about it.

Some of these delays were unavoidable but I TRIED to get a plan in place in case Nathan had delayed counts and I couldn’t get either doctor to plan ahead and if his cancer has gotten out of control and cannot be beaten back because of this I am going to be so angry.

4 responses to “Controlled Panic

  1. You are constantly in my thoughts. I cannot imagine how you are feeling, but please know that you have so many people thinking about you and emotionally supporting you from far away.Blogs are wonderful, especially when you need to get your feelings out.Big *(((HUGS)))* to you, Susan.

  2. What she said. We have your family in our hearts and minds EVERY DAY.

  3. We are thinking about you. I can’t imagine being in the fight you are in and not being able to get the doctors to make a plan. How

  4. I am so angry for you. I just blows me away about how casual some doctors can be about a person’s life.This venting is coming from the news that my cousin has been given so many years left. I’ll post about it in my underpants when I’m ready.I so heart you. Much love, prayers, and worries from WA. You’re my hero.xoxo

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